Erin Brown
Content featuring @jensinkler
(Possibly triggering) 22 years ago I attracted the attention of a boy. Very much on purpose. I sought him out, flirted shamelessly and he reciprocated. I was excited and floating and felt shiny and seen. But it took a turn and ended violently. There were others to come. But this was the one that changed everything. The others met a girl they heard was a slut. They were less surprising and I was already numb. They were entitled and I was tired. I found ways to hide. Learned being seen is dangerous, asking for it, wrong. Decades of purposeful healing work has felt like peeling back layers of scar tissue. Always another thing to look at, to heal, to reclaim the pieces of myself that were alive and healthy before him. I recently met the opportunity to grieve again. Spent a whole day weeping. Allowing those pieces to be cared for. On the prompt of an energy worker friend I asked my 13 year old self what she needed. I wrote 6 pages of her desires. To be seen and respected at once. To trust again. To float freely and uninterrupted. To be my whole self safely. To know that someone will always come looking for me. To know that person is me. To be more than “they only want you for one thing.” And to also own that “one thing.” To be in charge of myself. The gift is that I feel all of those things. And all I had to do was invite her to be here. With the grown ass woman I’ve become. Who has built her own safety, who refuses condemnation, who sees herself clearly even when others do not/choose not to. I can’t wait until “the culture” embraces us as full beings without dissection to be seen as such. Recently @leilani.photographs called me a peacock. Said I was electric and fun to watch. ❤️ I cannot tell you what to see. But I see me embodied, alive, soft and unafraid. And I’m not “asking for” anything. I’m telling you I’m free. I hope you are too. Whatever that feels like to you. #sensualselfiechallenge @evyan.whitney (follow this hashtag for more stories and photos and reclamation) 🙏🏼 Evyan for the invitation to be seen. Also this is @jensinkler’s fav photo I’ve sent her. 🙏🏼 for always seeing me so lovingly ❤️❤️#yesapeacock
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